So I'm thinking that it's clear last week was not the best for me. I was beginning to think there had to be some strange explanation for why I was so upset, grumpy, emotional, sleepy, dramatic...and I couldn't come up with one. I even questioned...well maybe I'm pregnant. I think I honestly just wanted to blame it on something other than the fact that I'm stressed. I used to turn to dance to burn off stress. But for nowadays piourettes and demi's won't do it. I am happy to report however that I did begin working out, and I'm going to work out after my shift in the morning. But most importantly I got some sleep, finished my homework, CARES reports are done, communicated with the outside world, and generally got some snuggle time with Matt. It all seems so precious to me now.
You never actually realize how long it's been since you watched television until you watch it and your like...whoa...I've never seen a preview for that movie...or man that new entree at such and such looks great. BTW: I hate food commercials because you always inevitably want what they are showing. Really this is all an illusion because the things they do to that "food" is appalling to make it look good for television (like lubing the meat...ew). So that week is over and I'm heading into this week with a new attitude. I'm still a little grumpy and complainy but at least I'm able to drive without fear of falling asleep to the sound of Lady Gaga (which is a hard thing to do might I add).
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Fatigue
So I'm feeling much better today. Still extraordinarily tired and unable to keep myself focused on pretty much anything. Which is unfortunate because I have a book report due on Monday that will be a painful process if I do not buckle down now.
We had a great night at our CARES meeting. I feel very spiritually refreshed, but for some reason I feel pulled by something else. Not sure yet what that is. But I'm thinking a change will be happening soon. Not sure that I'm ready for change, but then again are you really ever ready for change?
My joints have been killing me everyday this week, i've been waking up in pain. I thought that sleep would help revive me and make me feel better, but suddenly I'm waking up feeling worse off. I just heard a commercial today for "shift work disorder"...is that real? Not sure yet, but I guess I'll do a little research. It's supposed to be in reference to those that work odd hours. I'm pretty sure that my body was designed to do this, but the rest of the world was not. This is a problem for my current lack of communication with...well everyone.
-Lindz
We had a great night at our CARES meeting. I feel very spiritually refreshed, but for some reason I feel pulled by something else. Not sure yet what that is. But I'm thinking a change will be happening soon. Not sure that I'm ready for change, but then again are you really ever ready for change?
My joints have been killing me everyday this week, i've been waking up in pain. I thought that sleep would help revive me and make me feel better, but suddenly I'm waking up feeling worse off. I just heard a commercial today for "shift work disorder"...is that real? Not sure yet, but I guess I'll do a little research. It's supposed to be in reference to those that work odd hours. I'm pretty sure that my body was designed to do this, but the rest of the world was not. This is a problem for my current lack of communication with...well everyone.
-Lindz
Fortunate
It's been so long since I posted, it's almost unecessary to apologize.
So here i've been saving the world. Or at least the little world I live in. Just watching the news can make you feel like an insignificant ant building a community by yourself. Sometimes thats exactly how I feel, an ant fighting to build...fighting to serve. I've been especially frustrated lately with my lack of contact with the world. Mostly with those around me obviously.
I miss all of my family and friends, and i know there is a simple answer to giving into that call. I just need to leave my job. No one ever said that following God's plan was going to be easy. I don't think that God wants me to not be with my fam and friends, however I think this is just a season of my life. This season will be over soon and a new season will begin. But until then. I feel like a constant apologetic rerun. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Family issues have also been on my mind lately. Specifically divorce. I am not sure thay my brain is able to comprehend divorce. To me it's simple. I'm around victim's all day and night...this I understand. But divorce...I'm unable to understand this. It doesn't matter how many therapy classes I take, or books I read, it's so simple to me.
I've been reading a bunch lately. Sometimes I feel like words are going to carry me away into the future and I will have time to breathe again. I've been thinking about the 25 year old Canadian girl who passed away from CF and who was unable to breathe by physical restraints due to her condition. I feel unable to breathe due to choice. And that is not right.
Matt has left his job officially, so hopefully something new will be brought into his life. And this might lead to me being able to focus. Whatever focus means.
That is all for now.
-Lindz
So here i've been saving the world. Or at least the little world I live in. Just watching the news can make you feel like an insignificant ant building a community by yourself. Sometimes thats exactly how I feel, an ant fighting to build...fighting to serve. I've been especially frustrated lately with my lack of contact with the world. Mostly with those around me obviously.
I miss all of my family and friends, and i know there is a simple answer to giving into that call. I just need to leave my job. No one ever said that following God's plan was going to be easy. I don't think that God wants me to not be with my fam and friends, however I think this is just a season of my life. This season will be over soon and a new season will begin. But until then. I feel like a constant apologetic rerun. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Family issues have also been on my mind lately. Specifically divorce. I am not sure thay my brain is able to comprehend divorce. To me it's simple. I'm around victim's all day and night...this I understand. But divorce...I'm unable to understand this. It doesn't matter how many therapy classes I take, or books I read, it's so simple to me.
I've been reading a bunch lately. Sometimes I feel like words are going to carry me away into the future and I will have time to breathe again. I've been thinking about the 25 year old Canadian girl who passed away from CF and who was unable to breathe by physical restraints due to her condition. I feel unable to breathe due to choice. And that is not right.
Matt has left his job officially, so hopefully something new will be brought into his life. And this might lead to me being able to focus. Whatever focus means.
That is all for now.
-Lindz
Monday, January 11, 2010
Can you believe how long it's been since I've updated? Ridiculous I know. So here is the gist of what has been going on. I did in fact get a new job. Matt and I have been really struggling financially so it was time for me to get a second job. We still both work at the apartment complex doing the mission work thing. Sometimes our apartment feels so insanely small, but for some reason I sleep better here at night because I can hear all the noises. I've been thinking alot tonight about when I used to live at McConnell. It seems like just yesterday! I can't believe how long ago it actually was. I used to love me own space there. I look back and realize how complainy I was, man I wish I could take all that back, because I really did enjoy that job.
The new year just kind of flew in and flew out didn't it? It was probably because I worked a 16 hour shift that I didn't even realize what had happened. My whole life I've made lists every new years of the 100 most important things that happened that year. I have not made that list for the past six years, but if I had to pick my top five these would be them:
1. Enjoying my first full year of being married and waking up to the man I love everyday
2. Began serving at church, got two new jobs, and began graduate school
3. Grew stronger in my faith
4. Had two surgery's (glass in foot, and lypoma removed)
5. Learned a lot about where you call home and how material possessions can take a hold of your heart when you didn't realize that (this of course coming from the time that matt and I had the apartment fire).
Well that's all for now. I've got some homework to attend to. I'm taking a short winterterm class and it is stressful. God Bless.
-Lindz
The new year just kind of flew in and flew out didn't it? It was probably because I worked a 16 hour shift that I didn't even realize what had happened. My whole life I've made lists every new years of the 100 most important things that happened that year. I have not made that list for the past six years, but if I had to pick my top five these would be them:
1. Enjoying my first full year of being married and waking up to the man I love everyday
2. Began serving at church, got two new jobs, and began graduate school
3. Grew stronger in my faith
4. Had two surgery's (glass in foot, and lypoma removed)
5. Learned a lot about where you call home and how material possessions can take a hold of your heart when you didn't realize that (this of course coming from the time that matt and I had the apartment fire).
Well that's all for now. I've got some homework to attend to. I'm taking a short winterterm class and it is stressful. God Bless.
-Lindz
Friday, October 16, 2009
Me...a Job???
Oh my goodness, it has been wayyy too long since I've written. So much has been going on. Matt and I moved into our new apartment. We have been loving our position here, we have met lots of great people and hurting people as well. It has been such a blessing to be able to be there for the people who have been hurting. I can't believe how much of an opportunity is here to help lead people to faith. Anyway, so our events have been going well too! We have had two football parties, two game nights, two breakfasts, and this Thursday we have a pumpkin carving night :)
So on to the part that I'm not too happy about. So Matt and I haven't been doing well financially. Primarily because our savings have been depleted from one year of me not working. He has a TON of dental bills that are about to be rolling in. And our stupid electricity was overcharged to us for three months this summer. So lets just say it's been one thing after another. So I finally decided that even though we have free rent right now, that I would get a part time job until the end of February. Just with my cousin having a baby, and Christmas coming up, we really need the money. Not to mention that I basically have NO clothes. So I applied and prayed, and the next morning I got a call from Tarrant Count MHMR, for a Family Intervention Specialist position. This is good because I'll be working out of the office, and seeing clients, and it is PART TIME, so I can make my schedule. So my interview is on Monday.
I have been really slacking at school...:( My grades haven't suffered yet, but I fear that they will soon.
AND, I just went to the doctor yesterday about a lump that has been under my arm for three years now, and he "doesn't think it feels like cancer." And all I could think was "why in the world would you say that word, I wasn't even thinking that". Anyway, so I have to go to the surgeon so he can take a look at it. Hopefully, I won't need surgery, but it hurts sometimes, so who knows. Anyway, that's about all. I'm a little frazzled because I have a million things to do.
That's all for now :)
So on to the part that I'm not too happy about. So Matt and I haven't been doing well financially. Primarily because our savings have been depleted from one year of me not working. He has a TON of dental bills that are about to be rolling in. And our stupid electricity was overcharged to us for three months this summer. So lets just say it's been one thing after another. So I finally decided that even though we have free rent right now, that I would get a part time job until the end of February. Just with my cousin having a baby, and Christmas coming up, we really need the money. Not to mention that I basically have NO clothes. So I applied and prayed, and the next morning I got a call from Tarrant Count MHMR, for a Family Intervention Specialist position. This is good because I'll be working out of the office, and seeing clients, and it is PART TIME, so I can make my schedule. So my interview is on Monday.
I have been really slacking at school...:( My grades haven't suffered yet, but I fear that they will soon.
AND, I just went to the doctor yesterday about a lump that has been under my arm for three years now, and he "doesn't think it feels like cancer." And all I could think was "why in the world would you say that word, I wasn't even thinking that". Anyway, so I have to go to the surgeon so he can take a look at it. Hopefully, I won't need surgery, but it hurts sometimes, so who knows. Anyway, that's about all. I'm a little frazzled because I have a million things to do.
That's all for now :)
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