Playing with Pictures

Our August Staycation

So I promised pictures from our recent trip to a bed and breakfast. It was gorgeous! We had so much fun that we decided to stay an extra day! What a blessing it was to meet such a wonderful family, and be served by an extraordinary staff. We spent our days taking naps, walking the wooded trails, swimming in the pool, and learning about the quaint town.
This is a picture of the beautiful entry way...I can't get over the breathtaking light and historic charm.True to it's name, the Roseland Plantation in Ben Wheeler, TX had roses everywhere. I would recommend this wonderful oasis to anyone :) Hope everyone has a fabulous Friday!

~Lindz

Surrounded by Love

So lately I've been feeling surrounded by love. I haven't posted anything in FOREVER! I know I'm a horrible blogger. My classes this summer have killed me! I'm excited to announce as well that I am leaving the graveyard shift. So let's take a moment to have a tribute.

A Tribute to My Life as a Vampire

1) Thanks to my life as a vampire or as I like to call it MLAAV, I have been able to be current on all the latest news, facebook status of friends, and emails.
2)I have also had plenty of time to miss my family members which means that when they see me they are excited and it isn't "Oh hey, it's you again."
3) My husband's girlfriend has been getting lots of extra attention (we have a cute nickname for her...PS3)
4) My cats have become attached to what they think is their new owner, because they forgot me.
5) I have made good friends with bug spray and fly swatters, because apparently the bugs only come out at night.
6) I'm now an expert at office yoga...just don't tell my boss that I'm doing the downward dog at 3:00am.
7) I am now the poster child for sunscreen, because Lord knows this MLAAV hasn't seen any sun in months.
8) I have actually ENJOYED the heat outside because I never get to see it :)
9) I have become BFF's with my coworker over the phone at the other location of our office.
10) And the best part about MLAAV has definitely been cranking up the music and zoning out to get my homework done :)

So I'm moving on, Sianara pale skin...hello golden skin and vitamin D!!! Hello world!

So in celebration of my new schedule, my husband are in the process of decorating our balcony. We began by cleaning off the balcony, and planting a few plants. We have some planters from our old apartment that FINALLY went up. Pictures to come very soon! Anyway, now we have a wonderfully realxing balcony including plant stands, sunflowers, a random palm type tree, purple flowers, and yellow wild looking ones. Can you tell I don't like official names of plants? I like to name plants by what they look like for example: Spikey leaves, wild yellow hair, curly green buds, and my personal favorite purpulus a plantus :)

So Matt and I also went on a short vacation last week. We went to the Canton flea market. It was BLAZING hot!!! This cannot be overemphasized. There was practically NO wind, and it was 108 degrees outside!!! Ouch! Luckily for me I am still living MLAAV, so I was virtually unaffected. I don't even think I got sunburned, just maybe a new freckle or two. Anyway, we then spent three glorious nights at the most amazing B&B. Pictures are also coming on this one :) As soon as Matt gets himself a new job, we are going to buy ourselves a flipping sweet new Canon camera. Any suggestions on a particular one? We can't wait to have professional looking pictures. Ok well that's all for now, if I update completely, we'd be here all night!!!

Too-da-loo!
~Lindz

The Sparrow

Just an old Praise song I ran across. Anyone have fond memories attached to this song?

"His Eye is on the Sparrow"


Verse 1:
Why should I feel discouraged,
Why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely
And long for Heav'n and home,
When Jesus is my portion?
My constant Friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

Refrain:
I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

Verse 2:
"Let not your heart be troubled,"
His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness,
I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth
But one step I may see:
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

Verse 3:
Whenever I am tempted,
Whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing,
When hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him,
From care He sets me free:
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He cares for me.

The Grassy Road

"He made the world to be a grassy road for her wandering feet." W.B. Yeats

For some reason I have always found this quote to be super romantic. I imagined myself in the future with my future significant other as he layed down his jacket in water puddles, opened car doors, and put his hand on the small of my back to lead me in our walk together. I always pictured what my future prince charming would be like. It's interesting to me, these many romanticised views of relationships we have, and to be honest it makes me think of the divorce rate. After about two years into my relationship with my now husband I realized that to have a meaningful relationship it wasn't going to be about romance it was going to be about God. See now when I read this quote I don't think about all the millions of things that my husband does for me that is romantic. I think about how God has indeed made my road grassy and comforting for my wandering feet. I think about how the rascal flats created the lyrics "God bless the broken road that led me straight to you." And it reminds me that without my broken road to Him I would never be able to experience the fresh, soft, and grassy road that is before me now. I'm so blessed to have this knowledge now and no longer be on the broken and tattered road I was on before. And I've learned a valuable lesson about humility and God's plan for all of our roads. I'm very thankful to have my husband now for example, but I could have lived in God's presence and have been perfectly content for the rest of my days if that was his plan for me.

I'm so blessed to have God as the center of my life and of my marriage. These are just a few thoughts I have after my six year anniversary with my wonderful husband. I've also been feeling called lately to cut back on my hours spending time with the youth group. So I'm only going to be helping out for two Wed./month this summer. I will of course reconsider in August.

I am SUPER excited about my classes this semester, as I am taking pre-practicum (before I begin my practicum), human lifespan, and Addictive and compulsive behavior. They sound amazing! I love being in school and learning, otherwise I feel like my brain is not challeneged and is glazing over. Anyway, That's all for now.

~Lindz

Calling All Lyrics

So I'm working on a writing project that involves very good lyrics. I'm hoping to begin the project with an epic song like "Hey Jude" by the Beatles. So I'm wanting some thoughts from readers. What are your favorite songs/lyrics? Do you have some songs/lyrics that you have written that you would be willing to share? I'm really pumped about this project and can't wait to begin.

Until then...Enjoy some inspiration

Hey Jude don't make it bad

Take a sad song and make it better

Remember to let her into your heart

Than you can start to make it better

Hey Jude don't be afraid

You were made to go out and get her

The minute you let her under your skin

Then you begin to make it better

And any time you feel the pain, Hey Jude (Refrain)

Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool

By making his world a little colder

Da da da da....

Hey Jude don't let me down

You have found her now go and get her

Remember to let her into your heart

Then you can start to make it better

So let it out and let it in

Hey Jude begin

You're waiting for someone to perform with

And don't you know that it's just you

Hey Jude you'll do

The movement you need is on your shoulder

Da da da da ...

Hey Jude don't make it bad

Take a sad song and make it better

Remember to let her under your skin

Then you'll begin to make it better better better

Da da da da da da da... Hey Jude...

I've been thining a bunch lately about the past. Times before I was born. I'm reading World Without End, by Ken Follet. It reminds me that there was once a simpler time. I kind of have this weird sense lately that I need to get away. I want a weekend away just to think, maybe write, and enjoy the company of others. When Matt and I were in college we lived in a small town called Stephenville (population 10,000). This town wasn't tiny, but it was small enough to where you always knew everyone when you went out. I loved living in this environment, but not because of the fact that you were well known. I enjoyed it because I am a simple girl. I never thought of myself this way. But I'm always drawn to simple things.

My husband would tell you that I am pretty relaxed when it comes to the finer things in life. For example: I always buy used books if I can, I never own a purse more than the cost of a bill, and I am a minimalist at heart. I cut corners because I don't like waste. I think this is what draws me to the simpler things in life. I want to just spend a weekend revisiting this concept. I want to just lay in a field of wild flowers. I want to make pictures and shapes out of billowing clouds. I want to attempt to identify different types of birds. I want to make a bird feeder. I want to drink hot tea on a porch swing. I want to shave my legs in a bubbly bath tub. I want to read a letter written especially to me. I want to pray, for like an hour. I want to be surrounded by pictures and scraps over a lovely relationship that I call my marriage. I want to make my bed. I want to hear bugs at night...only bugs and birds. And speaking of night...I want to count stars and pretend like I know constellations.

I've also been thinking a bunch about the future lately. There isn't anything like dreaming, planning, making goals for yourself. I like to feel like I know where my direction is. I've been praying that God would lead me and my family in the direction that bests serves him. I'm excited to be open to the possibilities. But I'm also ready to start thinking and planning for my short term and long term future. I'm going to post my list as soon as I finish :) Well that's all for now!


~Lindz

House-husbands, hacking, and hummingbirds oh my!

So this is Matt's official week to be "unemployed". This means that his full time job is no longer there, but he still has two other part time jobs. I still have my one part time job, full time job, and then full time graduate school status. So this is a breathe of fresh air to be able to come home and enjoy the little things. When you have been living life in a tunnel (as I call it) you enjoy having fresh laundry, sleep, and someone to hold hands with. I've missed out on so many little things in the last few months, I'm ready to return to enjoying them. So to begin my new outlook on enjoying little things I'm going to mention some of my favorite things in spring.

Before I begin my lovely look on the bright side, I should warn that I was quite distraught over a virus that was on my work computer that ate my email alive and sent out emails to everyone on my contact list. This of course included professors, my boss, and my family/friends. It was a nightmare. Thank goodness for the wonderful tech geek husband I have and his recent unemployment and attentiveness to our family :)

My summers as a kid were spent on my grandparents ranch about 5 hours west from DFW area, and in a small rural setting called Eldorado. Now many of you are tempted to pronounce this like "El-doh-Rah-doh". But it is indeed pronounced by the locals and mayor for that matter as "El-doh-RAY-doh". This is imperative to the story by the way in case you couldn't figure it out. So many of these springs and summers were filled with magic. I used to get an anual letter from my grandfather (lovingly called big daddy) who would send me the first little purple flower.

I used to think that this was the only place in the world where humming birds exhisted. Every year they migrate across that region in Texas and for about four days it is hummingbird chaos. My Grandmother (lovingly called Grande', but pronounced Grandy), will refill the hummingbird feeders five times a day because of how many there are and she has about twelve feeders so you can do the math. Anyway it's one of the most magical sights you have ever seen. I was certain when I was younger that a magical fairy traveled with them and would land on my shoulder one day and then I too would become a hummingbird fairy that would flutter through the air and be able to beat my wings 80 times/second.

The wildflowers this spring have been incredible. They must be of course after the crazy precipitous winter we had. I have never seen so much snow in my life, and I knew that the first time spring arrives we will have such gorgeous flowers. My very favorite in the whole world is shown here, in the indian paintbrush picture with the blue bonnets in the background. I have picked these with my great grandmother when I was a little girl. Well this is one of the latest springs we have had too, as it still has not reached more than 90 for two days in a row. There will be some wonderful thunderstorms this weekend which I love.

So here I am in my little corner of the world, smelling the fresh air and enjoying my house-husband, hummingbirds, and learning lessons from hacking.

Miami Beet

So now for an update. So I had a fabulous night with my husband and his crew. I call it his "crew" because it's kind of hard to explain 18 predominately boy teenagers that gather for the common goal of killing each other in dodgeball. Yes did I mention that my husband is the youth pastor at our church? Well he is, and we love it. I've always had a heart for adolescents, and it's great to see him following his passion. Tonight we only had one kid get hurt, so we are doing pretty good, I'd say :) No but really i'm pretty sure the parents are going to begin boycotting us if we send home one more injured child. At least they were getting injured before we showed up and took over so we can't be completely to blame.

So this month may be the month of sickness and injuries. Matt and I's family are both not doing so great in those categories. But Matt and I are uninjured which makes me grateful because starting next week we will no longer have to luxury of health insurance. I know what you all may be thinking "Whoa! This couple each has three jobs, and are both grad students and they can't get decent health coverage?" Don't worry I'm asking myself the same thing. But Matt is leaving his job as a systems engineer for a database company and following his passion (insert question mark to personify the confusion of him not knowing what that is). Ok but, he really does know what he wants to do, it's just kind of a career change. So here we are the househusband and the crazy woman with the cats.

Oh and for all of you wondering...Miami Beet...that's the name of the new fabulous nail polish that is on my fingers today :) Makes me feel festive on this warm summary Cinco de Mayo night.

Here is another poem c. 2006 (approx. year 2006). This one is a very personal poem of mine that represents the struggles that I had during the first few years of my relationship with Matt. I was struggling to accept myself through his eyes as something beautiful and worthy of a relationship, much like what it's like to think about the way God sees us...strange parallel. Anyway, Its humbling to remember that not all relationships are cookies, laundry, kissing, and cuddling (not necessarily in that order). Sometimes relationships are about questioning everything you've ever been expecting your "perfect" person to be. When in reality no one is perfect, so why do we expect there to be someone "perfect" for us? Anyway, just a thought.

Enjoy. Blessings!

The Ellipses of Spring
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I once saw spring in your eyes.
The radiant sun shone from the glow.
And when my gaze peered around your shoulder,
You would pull me back for the fear of snow.

The flowers would bloom anytime you spoke.
But the words turned to ice as they hit my delicate ears.
Shattering my once empty shell, I am in disbelief.
This year the season has a different meaning, this year suddenly its all so clear.

The heat of the summer is around the corner.
Dont take it forgranted, dont laugh in her face.
The moments never last forever,
But dying in this season would put springtime in a familiar place.

The leaves are turning now, nothing is safe.
Our trees are left naked to dance in the wind.
But this ballet is longer than we expected,
Im realizing that this season is not near its end.

Winter may not be close,
But the fear of cold has me hiding in my skin.
Crawling, itching, Ive got to get out.
The premonition holds my heart and fears within.

Autumn is not near over, you say.
And already I can only dread the future.
I cannot see that spring beyond.
I cannot dream of the season to nurture.

The icy cold creeps and screams.
It is unforgiving, and not forgetful.
Suddenly its time to leave, the snow is coming soon.
You hold my gaze once more your eyes reflect "regretful".

What is this stare, this shadow I show.
Somehow it cannot be the once and lovely spring.
She was love and all its glory,
Please tell me she will soon return to me?

I coward I hide, who am I to deny?
The spring is gone, I am beaten and cold.
Hold me once, and remind me of when,
The days were warm and we werent so old.

I remember this spring you speak of.
I feel this warmth in your stare,
Kiss me once for old times sake.
You once werent this transparent and bare.

I should turn back, and look away.
But something pulls and holds my gaze.
Is it the thing in which I cannot see?
Or is it simply my mind running this seasons maze.

The snow and ice melt at my feet.
The winter cant have an end.
Its always desperate and cold outside of your eyes.
So lead me to spring and take my hand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barefoot Romance

So the following is a poem I wrote when I was 17. It somewhat was an example of the ups and downs that many relationships have. But I particularly am fond of the bitter end. Sometimes we begin things with the best of intentions and become entangled in our relationship that we are blind to what is really going on. I've had this concept in my head for a while and working at a domestic violence shelter, I whitness abuse everyday. This poem was also inspired by several emotionally abusive relationships that I had been involved in as a teen. Looking back on it I would make several changes, but I enjoy the simplicity of it.

A Barefoot Romance

My toes curled beneath the sand, happy to be free of their former possessor.
It was the salty sea air that led me to the shore, and the roaring of the constant waves that held me captive.
Suddenly a voice from behind me shook my shoulders and made my heart flutter with excitement.
That's how we first met, that night; alone, and standing barefoot in the moonlight.

You said it wasn't a big deal and I took your hand as I escaped reality.
I slid off my shoes and handed them to you as you helped me hold on to the window pane.
I paused for one last moment of questioning but your quick embrace led me away to what promised to be the best time of my life.
We ran through the grass our feet getting stung by the sharp, wet blades.

Now I'm crying in your arms and you smooth down my hair.
Everything is going to be alright, I hear you mumble, I don't believe you.
The pain in my heart is so real it aches and you hold my face and ask me for a dance.
I didn't want to; I wanted to continue to let the tears flow.
But instead I was listening to the soft hum in my ear from your voice, and the creaking our bare feet made on the wooden floors as we swayed to the beat.

It's a Sunday morning, and the smell of coffee wakes me from my coma.
The sun is beaming and the mounds of blanket and pillows are not near as comforting as the warmth of your body next to mine.
Vulnerable and beautiful we lie there naked, until you have to go again.
Suddenly, our feet intertwine and in that moment we are one.

Your angry voice shatters my ears.
The blood taste entering my mouth and the tears streaming down my face are not recognizable.
Heart pounding, head throbbing, I've had enough.
I struggle to find the little belongings I still manage to have.
You throw my shoes after me, and I choose not to pick them up.
Instead I walk down the street, alone in the moonlight and barefoot.

Working on a new signature :)

Seaweed Dreaming

No more chipped nail polish! What a glorious color! I'll give anyone a huge hug if they can figure out what it's called. Nail polish names become such a strange tradition for females. I love when I'm in the make up store and I see people looking at nail polish and ultimately they always turn it over to read what the color is. I'm amazed by this because really when you think about it, it doesn't actually matter what the color is called because your eyes see the color. In my opinion I think it's because our brains are hardwired to want an emotional connection to things. We want to feel good about our options. For example: I would pick a color called "Seaweed Dreams", as opposed to "Baby puke". Our emotions seem to be attached to everything.

What a glorious night! I spent the evening with dear dear friends and had a blast. It's amazing to me when God refreshes your soul as he does so often by the little things in life. I didn't get much sleep today, thanks to my school calling me at 3:00pm. You see I normally need to sleep until about six or seven. But if anything (ie going to the bathroom) wakes me up right within that window of time before it, then I can't go back to sleep. I think that picky sleepers are just not supposed to have strange sleep schedules.

Going to keep it short tonight, as I continue working on a short story for a project i'm scheming.

Chipped Nail Polish

So I'm thinking that it's clear last week was not the best for me. I was beginning to think there had to be some strange explanation for why I was so upset, grumpy, emotional, sleepy, dramatic...and I couldn't come up with one. I even questioned...well maybe I'm pregnant. I think I honestly just wanted to blame it on something other than the fact that I'm stressed. I used to turn to dance to burn off stress. But for nowadays piourettes and demi's won't do it. I am happy to report however that I did begin working out, and I'm going to work out after my shift in the morning. But most importantly I got some sleep, finished my homework, CARES reports are done, communicated with the outside world, and generally got some snuggle time with Matt. It all seems so precious to me now.

You never actually realize how long it's been since you watched television until you watch it and your like...whoa...I've never seen a preview for that movie...or man that new entree at such and such looks great. BTW: I hate food commercials because you always inevitably want what they are showing. Really this is all an illusion because the things they do to that "food" is appalling to make it look good for television (like lubing the meat...ew). So that week is over and I'm heading into this week with a new attitude. I'm still a little grumpy and complainy but at least I'm able to drive without fear of falling asleep to the sound of Lady Gaga (which is a hard thing to do might I add).

Fatigue

So I'm feeling much better today. Still extraordinarily tired and unable to keep myself focused on pretty much anything. Which is unfortunate because I have a book report due on Monday that will be a painful process if I do not buckle down now.

We had a great night at our CARES meeting. I feel very spiritually refreshed, but for some reason I feel pulled by something else. Not sure yet what that is. But I'm thinking a change will be happening soon. Not sure that I'm ready for change, but then again are you really ever ready for change?

My joints have been killing me everyday this week, i've been waking up in pain. I thought that sleep would help revive me and make me feel better, but suddenly I'm waking up feeling worse off. I just heard a commercial today for "shift work disorder"...is that real? Not sure yet, but I guess I'll do a little research. It's supposed to be in reference to those that work odd hours. I'm pretty sure that my body was designed to do this, but the rest of the world was not. This is a problem for my current lack of communication with...well everyone.

-Lindz

Fortunate

It's been so long since I posted, it's almost unecessary to apologize.

So here i've been saving the world. Or at least the little world I live in. Just watching the news can make you feel like an insignificant ant building a community by yourself. Sometimes thats exactly how I feel, an ant fighting to build...fighting to serve. I've been especially frustrated lately with my lack of contact with the world. Mostly with those around me obviously.

I miss all of my family and friends, and i know there is a simple answer to giving into that call. I just need to leave my job. No one ever said that following God's plan was going to be easy. I don't think that God wants me to not be with my fam and friends, however I think this is just a season of my life. This season will be over soon and a new season will begin. But until then. I feel like a constant apologetic rerun. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Family issues have also been on my mind lately. Specifically divorce. I am not sure thay my brain is able to comprehend divorce. To me it's simple. I'm around victim's all day and night...this I understand. But divorce...I'm unable to understand this. It doesn't matter how many therapy classes I take, or books I read, it's so simple to me.

I've been reading a bunch lately. Sometimes I feel like words are going to carry me away into the future and I will have time to breathe again. I've been thinking about the 25 year old Canadian girl who passed away from CF and who was unable to breathe by physical restraints due to her condition. I feel unable to breathe due to choice. And that is not right.

Matt has left his job officially, so hopefully something new will be brought into his life. And this might lead to me being able to focus. Whatever focus means.

That is all for now.

-Lindz

Can you believe how long it's been since I've updated? Ridiculous I know. So here is the gist of what has been going on. I did in fact get a new job. Matt and I have been really struggling financially so it was time for me to get a second job. We still both work at the apartment complex doing the mission work thing. Sometimes our apartment feels so insanely small, but for some reason I sleep better here at night because I can hear all the noises. I've been thinking alot tonight about when I used to live at McConnell. It seems like just yesterday! I can't believe how long ago it actually was. I used to love me own space there. I look back and realize how complainy I was, man I wish I could take all that back, because I really did enjoy that job.

The new year just kind of flew in and flew out didn't it? It was probably because I worked a 16 hour shift that I didn't even realize what had happened. My whole life I've made lists every new years of the 100 most important things that happened that year. I have not made that list for the past six years, but if I had to pick my top five these would be them:

1. Enjoying my first full year of being married and waking up to the man I love everyday
2. Began serving at church, got two new jobs, and began graduate school
3. Grew stronger in my faith
4. Had two surgery's (glass in foot, and lypoma removed)
5. Learned a lot about where you call home and how material possessions can take a hold of your heart when you didn't realize that (this of course coming from the time that matt and I had the apartment fire).

Well that's all for now. I've got some homework to attend to. I'm taking a short winterterm class and it is stressful. God Bless.

-Lindz