Miami Beet

So now for an update. So I had a fabulous night with my husband and his crew. I call it his "crew" because it's kind of hard to explain 18 predominately boy teenagers that gather for the common goal of killing each other in dodgeball. Yes did I mention that my husband is the youth pastor at our church? Well he is, and we love it. I've always had a heart for adolescents, and it's great to see him following his passion. Tonight we only had one kid get hurt, so we are doing pretty good, I'd say :) No but really i'm pretty sure the parents are going to begin boycotting us if we send home one more injured child. At least they were getting injured before we showed up and took over so we can't be completely to blame.

So this month may be the month of sickness and injuries. Matt and I's family are both not doing so great in those categories. But Matt and I are uninjured which makes me grateful because starting next week we will no longer have to luxury of health insurance. I know what you all may be thinking "Whoa! This couple each has three jobs, and are both grad students and they can't get decent health coverage?" Don't worry I'm asking myself the same thing. But Matt is leaving his job as a systems engineer for a database company and following his passion (insert question mark to personify the confusion of him not knowing what that is). Ok but, he really does know what he wants to do, it's just kind of a career change. So here we are the househusband and the crazy woman with the cats.

Oh and for all of you wondering...Miami Beet...that's the name of the new fabulous nail polish that is on my fingers today :) Makes me feel festive on this warm summary Cinco de Mayo night.

Here is another poem c. 2006 (approx. year 2006). This one is a very personal poem of mine that represents the struggles that I had during the first few years of my relationship with Matt. I was struggling to accept myself through his eyes as something beautiful and worthy of a relationship, much like what it's like to think about the way God sees us...strange parallel. Anyway, Its humbling to remember that not all relationships are cookies, laundry, kissing, and cuddling (not necessarily in that order). Sometimes relationships are about questioning everything you've ever been expecting your "perfect" person to be. When in reality no one is perfect, so why do we expect there to be someone "perfect" for us? Anyway, just a thought.

Enjoy. Blessings!

The Ellipses of Spring
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I once saw spring in your eyes.
The radiant sun shone from the glow.
And when my gaze peered around your shoulder,
You would pull me back for the fear of snow.

The flowers would bloom anytime you spoke.
But the words turned to ice as they hit my delicate ears.
Shattering my once empty shell, I am in disbelief.
This year the season has a different meaning, this year suddenly its all so clear.

The heat of the summer is around the corner.
Dont take it forgranted, dont laugh in her face.
The moments never last forever,
But dying in this season would put springtime in a familiar place.

The leaves are turning now, nothing is safe.
Our trees are left naked to dance in the wind.
But this ballet is longer than we expected,
Im realizing that this season is not near its end.

Winter may not be close,
But the fear of cold has me hiding in my skin.
Crawling, itching, Ive got to get out.
The premonition holds my heart and fears within.

Autumn is not near over, you say.
And already I can only dread the future.
I cannot see that spring beyond.
I cannot dream of the season to nurture.

The icy cold creeps and screams.
It is unforgiving, and not forgetful.
Suddenly its time to leave, the snow is coming soon.
You hold my gaze once more your eyes reflect "regretful".

What is this stare, this shadow I show.
Somehow it cannot be the once and lovely spring.
She was love and all its glory,
Please tell me she will soon return to me?

I coward I hide, who am I to deny?
The spring is gone, I am beaten and cold.
Hold me once, and remind me of when,
The days were warm and we werent so old.

I remember this spring you speak of.
I feel this warmth in your stare,
Kiss me once for old times sake.
You once werent this transparent and bare.

I should turn back, and look away.
But something pulls and holds my gaze.
Is it the thing in which I cannot see?
Or is it simply my mind running this seasons maze.

The snow and ice melt at my feet.
The winter cant have an end.
Its always desperate and cold outside of your eyes.
So lead me to spring and take my hand.
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