So I'm feeling much better today. Still extraordinarily tired and unable to keep myself focused on pretty much anything. Which is unfortunate because I have a book report due on Monday that will be a painful process if I do not buckle down now.
We had a great night at our CARES meeting. I feel very spiritually refreshed, but for some reason I feel pulled by something else. Not sure yet what that is. But I'm thinking a change will be happening soon. Not sure that I'm ready for change, but then again are you really ever ready for change?
My joints have been killing me everyday this week, i've been waking up in pain. I thought that sleep would help revive me and make me feel better, but suddenly I'm waking up feeling worse off. I just heard a commercial today for "shift work disorder"...is that real? Not sure yet, but I guess I'll do a little research. It's supposed to be in reference to those that work odd hours. I'm pretty sure that my body was designed to do this, but the rest of the world was not. This is a problem for my current lack of communication with...well everyone.
-Lindz
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Fortunate
It's been so long since I posted, it's almost unecessary to apologize.
So here i've been saving the world. Or at least the little world I live in. Just watching the news can make you feel like an insignificant ant building a community by yourself. Sometimes thats exactly how I feel, an ant fighting to build...fighting to serve. I've been especially frustrated lately with my lack of contact with the world. Mostly with those around me obviously.
I miss all of my family and friends, and i know there is a simple answer to giving into that call. I just need to leave my job. No one ever said that following God's plan was going to be easy. I don't think that God wants me to not be with my fam and friends, however I think this is just a season of my life. This season will be over soon and a new season will begin. But until then. I feel like a constant apologetic rerun. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Family issues have also been on my mind lately. Specifically divorce. I am not sure thay my brain is able to comprehend divorce. To me it's simple. I'm around victim's all day and night...this I understand. But divorce...I'm unable to understand this. It doesn't matter how many therapy classes I take, or books I read, it's so simple to me.
I've been reading a bunch lately. Sometimes I feel like words are going to carry me away into the future and I will have time to breathe again. I've been thinking about the 25 year old Canadian girl who passed away from CF and who was unable to breathe by physical restraints due to her condition. I feel unable to breathe due to choice. And that is not right.
Matt has left his job officially, so hopefully something new will be brought into his life. And this might lead to me being able to focus. Whatever focus means.
That is all for now.
-Lindz
So here i've been saving the world. Or at least the little world I live in. Just watching the news can make you feel like an insignificant ant building a community by yourself. Sometimes thats exactly how I feel, an ant fighting to build...fighting to serve. I've been especially frustrated lately with my lack of contact with the world. Mostly with those around me obviously.
I miss all of my family and friends, and i know there is a simple answer to giving into that call. I just need to leave my job. No one ever said that following God's plan was going to be easy. I don't think that God wants me to not be with my fam and friends, however I think this is just a season of my life. This season will be over soon and a new season will begin. But until then. I feel like a constant apologetic rerun. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Family issues have also been on my mind lately. Specifically divorce. I am not sure thay my brain is able to comprehend divorce. To me it's simple. I'm around victim's all day and night...this I understand. But divorce...I'm unable to understand this. It doesn't matter how many therapy classes I take, or books I read, it's so simple to me.
I've been reading a bunch lately. Sometimes I feel like words are going to carry me away into the future and I will have time to breathe again. I've been thinking about the 25 year old Canadian girl who passed away from CF and who was unable to breathe by physical restraints due to her condition. I feel unable to breathe due to choice. And that is not right.
Matt has left his job officially, so hopefully something new will be brought into his life. And this might lead to me being able to focus. Whatever focus means.
That is all for now.
-Lindz
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