Happy Linzday!

O.k. so I've been dreading this weekend because I promised Matt I would help volunteer for this youth retreat thing this weekend. Little did I know that I had a huge project due Monday, many hours of paperwork, school work, and future job searching to get done. Well the past two weeks have been crazy with Matt beginning his new job...oh and getting sick...did I mention that?
Why are men such baby's when they are sick?
This is him snuggled up with our Audrey cat who we nickname "Little Kitty" because she is a huge ball of gray fluff but underneath that she weighs Mayyybe 6 lbs. Anyway, so after taking care of three people (Matt, and the two cats) I pretty much am at the end of my patience. I also determined that I was suffering from compassion fatigue last week. I have a huge case load of clients right now and then we had an incident at work that has just been eating at me. I couldn't put my finger on it but when I came home and Matt was sniffing and coughing I basically handed him some NYquil and said "Get over it". Obviously, it only took about one day of my being a total jerk for me to snap out of it. It was like once it hit me that I was just empathetically depleted it all made sense and I was able to push it aside and continue on with taking care of the house and him. These last ten months have been so hard that I didn't think I could make it any longer, but I am feeling so much better now. My new schedule this semester has drastically changed my life, especially since I haven't been called in to work in a week now!!! My first week without working at my fourth job :) It feels good :)

Anyway, back to this weekend. So by some rather unfortunate incidents all of the girls signed up to go this weekend are now unable to attend, so they didn't need me anymore. So I'm like whoa! Wait a minute...I'm going to be alone in the house? For one night and two days!!!! My list of things to due is endless!!! But here is a taste of what I have in mind...
I'll let you know all about it when Lindzday has been fully celebrated :)

Controlled Chaos

Man o man it has been a crazy week! First off let me begin with Valentines day! Ever since seven years ago my husband made it his personal mission to change my mind about valentines day as the wonderful boyfriend he is. I was so spoiled on our first valentines I'm not sure if it can ever be topped it included delicious Italian, my favorite handpicked flowers (Indian paintbrushes), my first time to the carnival, and my first ever Beta fish. Yes 2005 Valentines was a good year. So this year like every year after this one has been a big deal. Let's just say I had a lifetime of disappointing valentines day's. One including getting dumped, so it hasn't been a good day for me up until this wonderful February in 2005. OK well I was disappointed when I found out that Matt had to work on V-day and that it was his first day no less. So all weekend we were rushing around buying him first week at work clothes and preparing for his new job. Well the day came and I woke up extra early to make him breakfast, get him ready and off to his first day.
I hadn't been feeling super great so I decided not to see clients on this day and instead stayed home to rest and clean the house. So 5 o'clock rolls around and Matt comes home with a super sweet card and a beautiful flower all for me :) I just gushed about how much it meant to me and it was the most thoughtful thing ever! Then he takes me to Dallas to a book signing of the pioneer woman! I couldn't believe that he would spend his Valentines with me to stand in line to meet one of my favorite bloggers. Anyway, so we went and found out that the line was SUPER long. But my trooper of a husband without complaint just offered that we go get dinner and come back. We went across the street and had burgers. Not before of course getting my picture taken with the pioneer woman's dreamy farmer husband :)
And then at about 12:15am I met the funniest blogger I know! If you haven't read her blog then I suggest you do, she has some amazing recipe's as well :) Oh and by the way...she liked my necklace! Me? Have style? Well it was totally worth the wait to see her. Note to all of you who attend book signing's...get there early :) Well that's all for tonight to cure my insomnia...more to come.

Stuck

I feel like maybe I'm not the only one stuck right now.

Stuck in school until May.
Stuck inside from the snow.
Stuck in debt.
Stuck in relationships with friends.
Stuck at work...afraid to drive home in the weather.

Yeah I would say that many Texans right now are as stuck as I am.
So one day last week I was walking to the counseling office and decided to check my bank account to see how close we were to hitting $0. And realized our account had overdrafted by $200!!! I began hyperventilating! I immediately called Matt and became let's be honest angry, stressed, and I'm pretty sure there were veins popping. I had just had a conversation with him about watching our account and keeping up with when bills were due and then disaster struck!!! So I basically informed him that he had until 5:00pm to fix this problem. Then soon after he called me back and informed me that he heard back from the job he wanted and he got the position! I think it's so funny how the same day our account turned upside down his career turned right side up. Can you be joyous and angry at the same time? Not really, that's why I worked toward letting go of that anger. So about the job.

He will be officially titled Systems Administrator Level II for Texas Health System's Cardiology team. Matt will be working with doctors and sometimes during their surgeries on the many computer and other equipment used to help patients. So basically a computer doctor.So we have been celebrating for like two weeks straight. My hubby begins his new job on Valentines day!

Back to the temporary anger...

I am in need of serious prayer to let go of this anger that is seemingly possessing my spirit. It takes away my job, it robs me of pleasure, and most importantly comes between me and God. He is the one that has provided for this family of below poverty line earnings for the year of 2010. He has provided love and comfort and a supportive heart in my Husband when Matt is the one that needed it the most. He has provided me with peace throughout most of this process of Matt being unemployed. And He had shown me how societal views of financial standing and status can be ignored in order to be happy.

Lessons learned? Absolutely. But I'm still seething in anger. I'm so angry that we are struggling to realize our dreams for our family while working so hard. Everyday it seems so senseless sometimes for me to be working two jobs that aren't even paying me anything, and one that pays barely over minimum wage. Is this some funny joke? I mean I knew that going to graduate school would be hard...but how do doctors do it? I mean those people are in school for like ten years? Who supports them? I've been thinking about this for a while now. God truly works miracles. How did we pay our bills the last ten months? I don't even remember it's all such a blur. So I guess we can be patient for another month. Just one of the many lessons God will teach Matt and I. In the meantime I'm working on letting go. Because I'm NOT in control...which is a hard lesson to learn.